God Answers

 There is no doubt in my mind that God is answering the prayers that are posted in the prayer room. I can feel the spirit of God moving on this campus. I know He is working in the lives of those that are seeking more from life and those that have committed their lives to Him. God is MOVING here! 

After blogging about faith last Friday, God showed up to increase my faith on Sunday. I went to church and knew that the Sunday before a girl had came from Trine to church, but I didn't know who she was. I had an elderly man approach me after church and asked me if I knew who she was and I was like I don't know who it could be. I talked to the pastor's wife, and she told me the girls name was Kate. My friend, Trent and I looked her up on facebook and I was pretty sure I had an idea of who she was, but I had never talked to her before. So, I added her to my friends and later that day she accepted my request. I talked to her about how she went to church the week before and told her that I normally go there, but didn't have a ride. I invited her to come to Tuesday Night Worship with Christian Campus House, and she said she would see if she could make it. I found out that two of her suite mates are a part of CCH and two of my friends. Tuesday night, Kate was there with one of her suite mates! Praise God! It was really awesome how my invitation of her to come to CCH opened up her heart to go. I talked to her on facebook last night and she said she was really glad that she went! God is already at work on her heart and I know He has big things in store for Kate. We will be having a "dinner date" next Tuesday and go to worship together! I love how God is using the people that love Him to further His Kingdom.

Again this past Sunday, God showed up! I had a girl who I know very well text me and ask me if she could talk. We ended up chatting on facebook and she told me that she really wanted to get right with God, and that she thought I could help get her plugged in with CCH. WHAT?!?! I talked to her about different opportunities she has within CCH to get involved and dig deeper with her relationship with Christ. She is not able to go to our Tuesday Night Worships, but she will be joining me in the next Bible Study that we have. Do you know why she contacted me? She contacted me because she knows that I live my life for Christ. I never really thought about how people look at me or what they think of me, but to realize that this girl approached me because she saw Jesus living in me. This just gives me so much encouragement. 

It's crazy to think about all the ways I alone have helped to impact this campus for Jesus (and that's not even my words, a friend pointed that out to me!). Could you imagine what this campus would be like if we all had the mindset of sharing the Gospel daily? Could you imagine what our friendships would be like if we intentionally sat by someone at a meal that we have never talked to before? Could you imagine if each of us put on "Jesus goggles" and saw the world as He does? Could you imagine an entire campus of over 2,000 students, staff, and faculty coming to know Jesus? 

At our Saturday prayer meetings we have had as many as 8 people praying and as few as 2 people. God has been answering our prayers for expansion of the body of Christ through the prayers of these 8 people. What if we had all 90 or so people in CCH coming to the prayer meetings? The above stories are merely two instances of how God has showed up through our prayers. A week after our very first "Prayers for Revival" meeting, we had our weekly "Friday Night Activity" which happened to be ice skating about 45 minutes away from campus. Normally, there will be 20 or so people that show up to CCH events, but God really blew us away with this event because 53 people showed up! That's more than double the normal! This past Friday there was a toboggan run event and there were over 30 people that showed up to that event too! This just goes to show that God is truly answering our Prayers for Revival here at Trine. God is so good, isn't He? :)

In Christ,

Brandi :)

Give Me Faith

Give Me Faith-Elevation Worship

 

I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart
I need you to open my eyes
To see that You're shaping my life

All I am,
I surrender

Give me faith to trust what you say
That you're good and your love is great
I'm broken inside, I give you my life

I need you to soften my heart
To break me apart

I need you pierce through the dark
And cleanse every part of me

I may be weak
Your spirit strong in me
My flesh may fail
My God you never will

FAITH

First off, I just wanted to inform you that the word “faith” is in the NIV version of the Bible 458 times. WOW!

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” Hebrews 11:1

I just realized that I could probably quote all of Hebrews 11 for this post. It’s rather crazy how God is truly working in my life right now. I have started this Bible Study with several friends of mine, and we are reading through 365 key chapters of the Bible in a year. Hebrews 11 references almost every single one of the chapters I have read so far in Genesis, which I have read 20 so far. Stories about Noah, Abraham, Joseph, etc. I have been digging deeper into each of these stories and about how each of these people had a tremendous amount of faith in God. It is crazy how I have been studying these verses, but just now made the connection that God placed these chapters in my path to prepare me for this faith journey I am about to go on.

“For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.”Psalm 33:4

God would not have led me to go to Kenya if He did not have a plan in all of this. God is faithful in ALL He does. The God of this universe is going to provide for me in ways that I cannot even fathom at this moment. God has already been providing me with a network of over 150 people to give support letters to in ONE WEEK!

“Teach me your way, LORD, that I may rely on your faithfulness; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name.” Psalm 86:11

Lord Jesus, I need to trust in your plan for me this summer. I need to yeild to your voice and take time to listen to what You have to tell me. God, I need to rely on your faithfulness because I know that you are going to provide for me in huge ways this summer. God I need my heart to be all Yours and for it to not be distracted by men or idols. I need to be sure that there is nothing I put before you. Every moment of every day I need to be seeking You and what Your Will is for me that day. Lead me to fear You and who You are, for You are the only One I should fear.

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” Mark 4:40

Why am I so afraid to have faith and trust that God will provide for my trip this summer? Jesus, I know I have faith, it is one of the fruits of the spirit I see in myself, but why is it that you have provided this amazing opportunity for me and I am stuck wondering where my faith is? God give me the faith that Abraham had to just leave everything up to You and know that You will faithfully provide.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Faith AND prayer all in three words? God has blessed me with faith (despite that I am doubting Him right now) and given me this passion for prayer. Now, I just need to combine the two and faithfully pray for my trip to Kenya. Honestly, I didn’t even read what it said in this verse before “faithful.” Patience, another thing God has been working on in my life. This past summer my patience was tested while working at Wawa and I could really see God working in me to give me more patience. Right now, my patience is being tested because I have to wait until at least the beginning of February to send out my first support letter. I just want to get started with sending letters out, but I know there is a reason for this time span. I need to be praying for each person I am sending a letter to, that they would prayerfully consider supporting me. I need to be thinking of more people to send letters to. God is going to do big things through this time span of me waiting. The first part of the verse “be joyful in hope” just puts a smile on my face because God has given me so much joy in this life. Joy that I can't even explain sometimes because even when I'm at my lowest of lows, God gives me the joy I need to get through.

“So those who rely on faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.” Galatians 3:9

Abraham, the man of faith, the man who will be my inspiration this summer. While studying Genesis 22, I said this “Abraham---this man is intense! Every single chapter I read I am just more in awe of his faith in Christ!”This is my “Thanks God!" moment where I am so thankful that I have been studying the life of these people that have such strong faith. Faith that led them to unknown territory, faith that led Abraham to almost slaying his very own son because God was testing the faith that he had. 

With God laying "Faith" on my heart so much in the past couple of weeks I have decided to purchase the above ring.  

Matthew 17:20 says "He replied, 'Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.'”

I especially like the part where it says "Nothing will be impossible for you."  With God by my side, I am going to be able to move mountains. God, You are awesome!

In Christ,

Brandi :)

On the Boardwalk...

While in Wildwood, NJ last summer with a group of 43 other college students I went out on the boardwalk frequently to share the Good News of Christ. Our purpose in going out on the boardwalk was to get into deep spiritual conversations with others, share our testimonies with them, and hopefully lead them to Jesus. We started our conversations by asking if the person would be interested in taking a spiritual survey. Some days I would have no one that wanted to start a conversation with me, other days I would get into really deep conversations with people. Some of the questions we asked ranged from “What do you believe happens after death” to “What three words would you use to describe your life?” My faith was tested a lot on the boardwalk. I am a new Christian, and I have studied a lot in the past three years, but there are still many more years of studying I need to do. Throughout the summer I did not personally lead anyone to Christ through our conversation, but I did plant seeds in people. There’s one conversation I can remember vividly.

I went out sharing with a guy in my group named Spencer. Before approaching anyone we prayed that God would guide our steps and our conversations with people. We had approached a couple people who were not interested in what we had to say at all. I came to these two girls that were sitting on a bench and I felt the need to ask if I could talk to them. One of the girls’ names was Miranda, and I don’t remember the other girl’s name. Spencer and I started talking to them and asking them about where they were from. Miranda was really open to talking, whereas her friend did not really want to talk.  Spencer ended up talking to the other girl and I had a chance to interact with Miranda one-on-one. I asked her a couple of questions from the quest survey and then I just really felt God telling me to share my testimony with her. While I shared my testimony with her, I went through a “Would You Like to Know God Personally" booklet. This booklet gives essential information on the Gospel, the four spiritual laws, and how to make Jesus the center of your life. I could tell that Miranda was being “sold for Jesus.” There is a prayer in the end of the booklet that one prays if they wish to accept Jesus into their heart and life. I let Miranda read through the prayer and asked her if it expressed what she wanted in her life. Miranda looked at me and said, “Yes!” I asked her if she would like to pray the prayer out loud and she said she did. (PRAISE GOD!) Miranda said the first three words of the prayer and she started balling her eyes out. I didn't know what to do so I just gave her a hug and told her that God loved her. The fact that she wanted to pray the prayer was encouraging to me. I knew something was holding her back, but prayers for her would be the best thing to do. We exchanged names and numbers so that we could keep in contact through texting and facebook.

I have had this amazing opportunity to be in contact with Miranda. She has shared with me her testimony and explained why she broke down on the boardwalk. God is really moving in her life. Almost every time I talk to her she thanks me for approaching her on the boardwalk. I was able to plant a seed in her, and not only plant the seed, but to watch it flourish. After we met she wanted to start a program with her youth group where they went out and shared their faith. I’m not sure if this program was ever started, but for her to have the heart to want to start a program like that really encouraged me. One day I was talking to her on facebook and she told me that she had done an outreach the day before to the homeless people at a park. This put me to tears to hear that she reached out to homeless people. It put me to tears because I do not have a place to call “home.” You can read my previous blog, “My Life Journey To Jesus” to read more about that. Around the beginning of December Miranda was selected as one of a few people from her church youth group to go to North Carolina to help with the Samaritans Purse ministry. Miranda had me praying for her trip as soon as she found out about it. Miranda and I have both had the ability to pray for each other with different things going on in each other’s lives. We have been praying for each other since the day we met. I’m really excited for the things that God is doing in Miranda’s life. Please pray for Miranda. Pray that she would come to a deeper understanding of who Christ is. Pray that God would protect her in all that she does. Pray that God’s Will would be done in her life.

In Christ,

Brandi :)

Pray for Daisy

This little 6 year old girl has the BIGGEST heart ever! Pray for her in her journey through chemotherapy. Pray that her parents would continue trusting God through this tough time. Pray that God would HEAL Daisy in His mighty power and strength. Check out the blog her parents are keeping about Daisy's journey--http://prayfordaisy.com/ Please keep this little girl in your prayers.


In Christ, 
Brandi :)

Kenya, KeNyA, KENYA!!!!

Not only Kenya, but Nairobi, Kenya. Christian Missionary Fellowship International (CMFI) has a summer internship program called REACH where I will have the opportunity to go to Kenya and share the Gospel with the people that live in the slums. Ways that this organization is reaching out to those in the slums are: child sponsorship, community health evangelism, microfinance, HIV/AIDS outreach, spiritual development, etc. I will be working alongside Kenyan nationals making home visits, reaching out to families, helping to educate them, bringing light into their homes, helping with the AIDS support groups, etc. One of the wonderful ladies that helped me through the application process and such told me that the people in Nairobi are really open to hearing the Gospel. God has blessed me with the ability to share the Gospel. I am really excited to share it with people who may have never heard it before. I can't fathom how much God is going to stretch me this summer!

Here's the schedule for when I will have training, be in Kenya, and debriefing.

PreDeparture Orientation (in Indianapolis), June 2-7
On the field, June 8-August 2
Debrief (in Indianapolis), August 3-6

For 8 weeks I will be living in the slums of Nairobi. For 8 weeks God is going to stretch me. For 8 weeks I will be sharing the Gospel to those who don't even know the name Jesus. For 8 weeks I will be in a different country, learning a different culture. For 8 weeks I will be blessed with the opportunity to reach out to children, teenagers, adults, and even the elderly. For 8 weeks I will learn what it is like to serve others wholeheartedly. For 8 weeks I will be living without running water. For 8 weeks I will be serving God. For 8 weeks I will be becoming the missionary God has called me to be. For 8 weeks my heart is going to be broken for this city and nation.

A girl that went to Nairobi last summer wrote what a normal day is like while living in the slums. Here is a link  http://cmfi.org/serve/reach/one-interns-story. It really touched me when I read… ”I’m amazed at the poverty. The smell is sour … like puke, poop, and rotting flesh/food/clothes all mixed together. Burning mounds of trash fill the air with smoke. I find myself fighting tears as I pass young boys with glue bottles stuck to their faces and passed out in alleys.” I’m going to be broken and torn down by what these people face every single day. I’m going to be even more thankful for all that God has blessed me with. I can’t wait for this experience.

Prayer Requests
©  For God to provide funds for me to go on the trip (I’m not sure of the number yet, but I will find out next week)
©  For God to break my heart daily for the people I am going to meet.
©  For God to give me patience as I wait for the trip.
©  For God to raise up believers to join me in prayer for this trip daily.
©  For God to provide me with the time I need to raise support.
©  For my teammates to trust God in providing and for our group to be united together through Christ’s love.
©  For God to start transforming me today. (REACH’s slogan is—“Transform youth, the poor, communities, you”)
©  For me to look at my schoolwork as doing work for the Lord—Colossians 3:23.
©  For me to seek God daily and trust that this is His good & perfect Will for me to go to Nairobi.

Thank you for your prayers!

In Christ,

Brandi

A Study of Genesis 12

Alright, so I read the first verse of Chapter 12, and I will admit I started balling my eyes out. Hearing God speak to me and say...‎"Leave your country, your people and your father's household and go to the land I will show you." truly broke me. On top of that, I was listening to Tear Down These Walls by Hillsong, great song btw. The mixture of the two really has me questioning why I am here at Trine this semester. Why am I wasting $10,000 more by being here the next two semesters when I am not even going to use my major? Why am I spending time learning something I hate, when I know what I should be doing? Why don't I do what the God of this universe has called me to do--be a missionary? Why do I have to follow the earthly thought of you NEED a degree to get anywhere?? I know the whole, God has a purpose in you being here right now, to minister to the girls on your floor, the internationals, and others inside and outside of CCH. I know that God is using me in my time here. I know I can be a light to this campus. BUT, which one outweighs the other? GAH! Sorry, I am kind of going on a tangent right now, but I feel like God is really laying this on my heart right now. Please pray for me. Pray for my decision of whether to be at school and finish my degree or go to the missions field now.

So, Verses 3-4 also just hit me really hard. God will make me into a nation, bless me, make my name great, allow me to be a blessing, bless those who bless me, curse those who curse me, and EVERYONE on earth will be blessed through ME?!?!?! WHAT?? How do I, Brandi Wilcox, deserve ANY of these blessings? I don't deserve a single thing God gives me everyday. & to think God will bless those who bless me and curse those who curse me. My God has my back, no matter what. That's crazy to think about what God is doing for us when we don't even recognize it or see it. Verse 4--Abram left, not questioning His God, not worrying or pondering the decision. Abram got up..and left his people. I want to be Abram. I want to get up right now and let God guide me where He wants me. Do I have that kind of courage, boldness, faith, or trust in God. Honestly, I want to, but I know that I don't. There are too many things holding me back, too many things that are keeping me from doing what I know God has willed me to do. 

In verse 7 the Lord appeared to Abram and the others that were with him and told Abram that God was going to give him the land that he was standing on. What was Abram's response? He built an alter there. I'm so excited to see Abram's faith in this moment that He just trusts in the Lord and submits to His will. Abram continued on the path the Lord had laid before him and stopped in Bethel and built another alter! 

Verses 10-20 Abram goes to Egypt. He knew how the Egyptians would look at his beautiful wife, so he decided to call her his sister for his sake. This man named Pharaoh took Abram's wife away and treated him well for her sake. God had Abram's back and afflicted Pharaoh with serious diseases. Pharaoh approached Abram and asked him why Abram had lied to him about his wife and allowed Pharaoh to take her as his wife. Pharaoh ordered the two of them to leave and take their possessions with them.

In Christ,

Brandi :)

Accountability Group

Sarah Clark and I were accountability partners my freshman year, and we have sort of been since then. Last fall, Sarah and I started texting each other daily to make sure we would spend time with Jesus reading the Bible. I'll be honest, four out of seven days a week I most likely did NOT read my Bible. I needed something more than a text asking me if I read the Bible. The past week God has been doing some sweet stuff in both of our lives. Conviction, revelation, praises, you name it, God has done it in our lives. The church that Sarah is a part of back home is doing a year long Bible study of key chapters in the Bible, one chapter a day. Sarah asked me if I would like to join with her and read the Bible to help us keep each other accountable. We decided that we wanted to email each other what God spoke to us through the chapters and what we learned. While talking to one of our friends, Dianna, we invited her to join with us on this journey of reading the Bible and holding each other accountable. Dianna decided it would be just what she needed to be motivated to actually read the Bible. Today, while skyping with Sarah and 3 other people, God laid it on my heart to share with the people what we were doing and two of them, Kirstie and Tabitha decided they wanted to join in our group. After more conversations and sharing of what this group would look like, our group has grown to 9 people.


I personally know 5 of the girls, but I really don't know what all of their relationships with Christ look like. The other 3 girls, well I don't know them at all...YET! All 9 of us come from different walks of life, we are all at different parts of our spiritual journey, we all are seeking something bigger than ourselves, we are all college students, we all have busy lives, & we all need someone to hold us accountable to do something as simple as reading the Bible everyday! I'm still not certain of all the things God is going to do through this group of girls, but I know that He has big things in store. I know that if we all put God before ourselves and truly open up to what He can do through this group, then God's going to change every single one of us. I know that we have to submit to Him. I know that we have to be willing to open up to others that we don't know. I know that we will have to share our life with others. I know that we will need to share our struggles. I know that we will need to let God work through this group. I know that we will have to lean on God to keep this group close and drama-free. I know that we will have to keep each other accountable so that we can learn more about our Savior & glorify our King in the process.


Readers, please pray for this group of 9 girls. Pray that if God has laid it on someone's heart to join our group, that they would let someone know. Pray for the girls that are a part of this group; there names are Brandi, Sarah, Dianna, Megan, Guirlene, Stephanie, Kirstie, Tabitha, and Jackie. God knows where each of us are on our spiritual journey-pray for our journeys. Pray that as a group we can seek Christ together and seek what His will is for us. Pray that God would convict each of us to share our struggles & pray that God would work through these struggles. Pray that we would submit to God's Will in our lives. Pray that we would become a people of prayer for others in the group and every part of our lives. Pray that we will daily hold each other accountable for reading the Bible. Pray that God would use us in our place of work, wherever that may be now or upon graduation. Pray for guidance for those who don't know what they are doing after graduation. Thanks for your prayers, God hears every single one of them :)


In Him, 
Brandi :)

My L.O.V.E.

My love,

Before the beginning of time, I knew you. I knew what color your eyes would be, and I could hear the sound of your laughter. Like a proud father who carries a picture of his child, I carried an image of you in My eyes, for you were created in my image. Before the beginning of time, I chose you. I spoke your name into the heavens, and smiled as its melody resounded off the walls of My heart.

You are mine. My love for you extends farther than the stars in the sky and deeper than the ocean. You are My pearl of great price, the one for whom I gave everything. I cradle you in the palm of my hand. I love you even in the face of your failure. You do not have to perform for me. Nothing you say or do can cause Me to stop loving you. I am relentless in My pursuit of you. Run from Me – I will love you. Spit on me – I will love you. Reject yourself – I will love you. What you did in the past, what you are struggling with now, and how you fail later will not affect My love. You see, My love for you was slain before the foundations of the world. I have never regretted and will never regret the sacrifice I made for you at Calvary. You are worth that sacrifice.

When I see every part of who you are, I marvel at the work of My hands, for I whispered words of longing and desire and you came into existence. You are beautiful, and I take pleasure in you – heart, mind, and body. You have captured Me. You are My desire. Still, when you turn your head in shame and despise what I have made, I still reach for you with gentle passion. You are my beloved and I am yours.

Always,

Your Savior 

**This is from my trip to New Jersey during the summer of 2010. I hope it encourages you as much as it encourages me. I was brought to tears while typing it up! I hope each of you have a blessed Christmas and a blessed New Year!! :)

In Christ,

Brandi

I'm SO Blessed!

Alright, so it's Christmas break and I have truly realized I am SO blessed! I am homeless, yet God has provided this awesome family that has welcomed me into their home with open arms. I have the opportunity to sleep here, eat here, and stay here for 3 weeks! I don't deserve this one bit, but our God knows how much I need this during this rough time.


December is the hardest month of the year for me because of things that have happened in the previous years. In December of 2007 is when I left my real family (read previous blogs to learn more) and in December of 2009 is when I realized the Hobbs family was no longer "family". My heart is broken right now for all of the things that have happened during this month. I am so broken right now, not only for what has happened during this month in the past, but because it will never be the same. I will never again wake up on Christmas morning with my brother and wait to wake up my parents to open presents. I will never experience that again. I will never experience the joy I had in seeing how many things my mom has bought me for Christmas. I will never experience living in a home with my real family. I will never be able to have a relationship with my mom that I don't have to hide. 


BUT, I will experience the blessings of the little things that people do for me like this box of presents I received that I am not allowed to open until Christmas from some mysterious people at school. I will experience joy in knowing that I have an awesome God that will always be there for me and He will provide for me in HUGE ways. I will be able to have a relationship with my mom even if we don't talk all the time. I will be able to be so much more thankful for what I have now versus what I had then. I will be able to stand in awe of my God and what He has done through me since 2007. I will be able to share His love with others wherever He leads me. I will rejoice in the ways God is working in and through me. Our God is GOOD!


Since I have been at college I have learned the true meaning of the Christmas season--JESUS! Christmas is not about how many presents I receive or where I am living. Christmas is about Jesus. Christmas is about the birth of my Savior. CHRISTmas is about Jesus Christ. What a blessing it is to call Jesus my Savior and visibly see Him answer my prayers! It's so awesome to be able to know that my Daddy loves me more than anyone on this planet could ever "love" me. In this period of singleness, that's what I need to realize, that God loves me more. I can't fathom what God is doing in my life, with CCH, or on Trine University's campus, but I know that it is all awesome and that it's for His glory! 


Conclusion---God is GOOD! :)


In Christ,
Brandi

My Life Journey to JESUS

After posting the A Broken Family blog, I feel led to explain a little more of my family situation with you. In the process of sharing my family situation I will share with you how I have come to know Jesus! :) Yay! [Oh, and bear with me this is a LONG post, but it's my testimony, so it's not going to be short with how much God is doing :) ]


During the fall of 2007, my senior year of high school, I was struggling a lot. I was struggling with having suicidal thoughts. I was struggling with fitting in within my family of 4. I was struggling with being accepted at school. I was LOST. I had told my parents that I was suicidal and they didn't think twice about it. After telling my parents that I was heartbroken that they were not going to do anything about it. I was mad that my own family didn't care that I was suicidal.


In December of 2007 I was talking to my best friend on the phone. I told her that I couldn't take it anymore. That I couldn't take the way my family was treating me and how much they were bringing me down. My mom ended up waking up and asking me who I was talking to and I told her it was my best friend Lindsey. She proceeded to start yelling at me and telling me that I was really different ever since I started hanging out with Lindsey. I just felt attacked. I felt like my family was accusing me of doing all of these things that I have never done. I was the Assistant Director of the Fall Play and would constantly be at my high school working on the set. My family thought I was doing something else. I told Lindsey that I couldn't take it anymore and that I wanted to leave. After I got off of the phone with Lindsey I started pulling all of the clothes out of my closet. I was preparing to move out. I found trash bags to throw everything in. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I would be going somewhere. That night I cried myself to sleep because I was scared and worried of what was to come.


The next morning I wake up to my mom and brother talking. The next thing I know, my brother had unlocked my door, threw me from my bed and restrained me on the ground while sitting on top of me and restraining my hands above my head. He verbally threatened me and told me that I was causing the family so much anguish and hurt. I couldn't breath because of the way he was sitting on me. I was frightened that he was going to physically abuse me. Eventually, I got him to get off of me.


Things were quiet and I decided to go get a drink of water from the kitchen. My mom followed me into the kitchen. Then, out of nowhere, she came at me restraining me by the collar of my shirt. She said "I don't care if I go to jail for this, it is worth it." I PANICKED! I went for the phone to call 9-1-1. While I was trying to get to the phone my mom was still holding on to me restraining me from much movement. I made it to the phone and dialed 9-1-1. My brother disconnected the phone before the call was put through. I didn't know what to do I was lost and helpless. I went to the other end of the house to the only other phone in the house to call 9-1-1. My mom was still restraining me by my collar and screaming at me. I made it to the other phone, dialed 9-1-1, somehow my mom and I ended up on the ground, I shouted "HELP ME" into the phone, my brother disconnected the phone again. I got up, and my brother and mom proceeded to tell me that life was going to be a living HELL for me for doing that. My brother reconnected the phone, and there was someone from 9-1-1 on the other line and I took the phone from my brother. The lady on the other end told me that there should have been a sheriff deputy pulling into my driveway at that time. The deputy told me to go out to the car while he talked with my mom and brother.


Some time later he came out. He didn't ask me what happened. He didn't ask me how I was doing. He TOLD me that I just needed to suck it up for the next 5 months and stay with my family. I was hurt! What just happened and why was this person not going to help me? The sheriff left and I went back inside my house, grabbed my stuff for school and left. I found my best friend Lindsey and told her to come with me to our teachers room so that I could tell her what happened. I just told my teacher that my mom had come at me and told me "I don't care if I go to jail for this, it's worth it." Immediately she took me to the guidance counselor and sat me down so that we could discuss what had happened.


I sat with my guidance counselor and teacher and told them what had happened. During the conversation my teacher realized that I had marks on my neck. Upon examination, I had several marks all over my body from what had happened that morning. The Deputy that came to my house that morning came to my high school. I shared with him my side of the story of what really happened. He asked me why I didn't share with him what had happened that morning. I told him he never gave me a chance to. After he saw the marks on my body he informed me that I had no choice but to press charges against my brother and mom. The restraining order would last at least 3 months or until the case was solved. At that point, I was homeless. My teacher, counselor, and I sat through possible scenarios of where I could live temporarily until I found a permanent home. I ended up staying with my friend Lindsey and her family. I didn't understand what was going to happen after all of this. I stayed with Lindsey for two weeks until I moved in with my friend Heather Hobbs and her family permanently.


The Hobbs family were really inviting. They knew I was going through a lot and they were there with me every step of the way. God had a plan in me living with them. Before moving in with the Hobbs family, I had never gone to church regularly, but I started going every week. I didn't willingly go to church, but I was forced to go (& today I am thankful that I started going to church then). I didn't really listen to the messages or pay attention to what was going on around me, but God was still working in my heart. The Hobbs family provided me with a home and a loving family that was there to support me. They helped me pursue my life-long dream of going to college. I stayed with them until the day I left for college on August 23, 2008.


I went to college 4 hours away from my hometown at Trine University in Angola, Indiana. 4 hours away from the drama. 4 hours away so that I could start a new life. A new life is what I started! The second day I was on campus I went to a worship session with the only Christian organization on my campus called Christian Campus House. Worship was good and I thought that I could get to know a lot of people through the organization. I started attending everything that dealt with CCH. I met my first college best friend Sarah at that first worship and we grew closer and closer as the year progressed.


Around the middle of fall semester it really hit me that people in CCH were different than me. It really hit me that they had something that I was missing. One of the senior girls in CCH named Erica was very blunt with me one day and asked me why it is that I cursed. I had no response. God spoke to me through her and from that day until now I have stopped cursing. That one step, has started a changing trend. I have changed so many things in my life since that day. During Christmas break I returned to the Hobbs house and I was reading a book called "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell. This book really touched my heart it shared the Gospel with me and helped me to realize I had a hole in my heart that could only be filled with Christ. I accepted Jesus into my heart!! :)


After Christmas break I started seeking God more and learning more about the story of Jesus. I met with my campus minister Travis and he helped me seek God to heal all the hurts and pains from others in my life. He encouraged me to forgive everyone for the things they have done to me that have hurt me. I wrote a list of ways people have hurt me and through a process of a couple of weeks I forgave every single hurt on the list. I forgave my brother, my mother, every single person that has ever hurt me. On my first missions trip to Dungannon, Va I felt God calling me to share with others that I had accepted Him into my heart and my life. On March 13, 2009, I was baptized! That moment I could not explain how I felt. God was soo good and I was so excited to be starting this journey of loving and serving Him.


On my way back from the trip, I called Denise Hobbs and told her that I had been baptized during the trip. She wasn't excited, she didn't even seem to care. She only wanted to know who had baptized me. Did that matter? No. For someone that has grown up in the church, I thought she would at least be excited for me.


That next summer I applied to be a missionary at Cedar Point and tell others about the amazing things God has been doing in my life. I found out that evangelism is not the easiest thing to do, but I knew that God was teaching me how to do it that summer. I was planning on going home after Cedar Point before returning to school so I texted Denise and told her when I would be coming home. She told me that home was in a different place and that her and Jamey had split up about 5 months ago. WHAT? I was 4 hours away and I had no idea any of this was going on. I knew that they were having problems, but I never knew that it was that bad. I went to Denise's condo for a couple days. It was awkward. It was really awkward. I didn't feel like I was at home, I felt like Denise didn't really care about me anymore. I felt like I couldn't even call that condo "home." I came back to school for RA training feeling very weird about what had happened a couple days before. I didn't really think about it much because I had to get into school mode.


God had been laying on my heart for a while that I needed to reconnect with my real mom. I didn't know how I was going to communicate with her or what I was going to say, so I just prayed about it. Eventually, in October, God led me to write my mom a letter in the mail. I told my mom that I was sorry for everything that had happened and that I had forgiven her. I told her that I have grown so much. That I have grown independently and that I have found my identity in Christ. I told her I wanted her to be a part of my life again. I prayed over the letter before I sent it in the mail.


On October 31, 2009 I received a text from my cousin Courtney (who is the only family member I stayed in contact with during this time) and she told me that my mom had received the letter and it was the best thing she could have ever received. God knew this was the perfect time for us to reconnect. I could not have been any more happier at that point. God had placed my mommy back in my life!


During Christmas break in 2009 I met up with my mom again for the first time in two years. This meeting was in God's perfect timing. It was not easy. It was one of the hardest things I have done to approach my mother who I had not seen in two years. One of the first things she said to me is that she just wanted to move on and put the past in the past and have a relationship with me. God answered my prayers! I was so excited to just move forward and have a relationship with my mom!


During this same Christmas break chaos occured at Denise's house. Things really blew up between her son and myself. I truly felt out of place at her home. I didn't even feel like I could call that place home. I ended up coming back to campus a week early and staying at one of the sorority houses. The entire 4 hour car ride back to my school no words were said except for at lunch, which if you know me it is really hard for me to keep quiet for 5 minutes. There was a lot of animosity between myself and Denise. In February, I emailed her about my tax forms and getting them done in time to get a grant from the school for $1,000. Basically, the conversation ended up leading to her saying that she regretted taking me in and she couldn't have said no because she would have felt bad. The conversation ended with her telling me to have a good rest of my life and that she did not want to be a part of it. I was homeless, again!


Broken and unknowing of what God's plan was for me, but still trusting Him, God led me to be a missionary with Campus Crusade for Christ for the summer in Wildwood, NJ. This would provide a home for me to go to during the summer, a place to grow closer to God, to share Christ's love, and make money with a summer job. God provided. He not only provided  me with a home for the summer, but He provided me with over $3,000 in support so that I could spend the summer telling others about Him. God is so awesome. During the summer God really laid on my heart that being an evangelist is what I am called to do. Telling others about Jesus comes so naturally to me and I am able to open up to anyone. I'm excited for my future missions to glorify God's Kingdom.


This year God has been blessing me with so many things. With the prayer room I have found another spiritual gift that God has blessed me with. I have been able to draw closer to God and to truly rely on Him to heal my heart from things in the past. He has showed me that my heart needs to fully seek Jesus and not be so stuck on the things of this world. I have applied to be a missionary in Kenya or Indonesia for next summer and I am really excited for the potential opportunity to step out in faith and share Christ in a different country. Oh, and just so you know, God always provides a home for me during breaks from school. In a week I will be spending 3 weeks with Jamie, the girl who has helped in the development of the prayer room/meetings, for Christmas break. God is good. I think one of my next blogs will be about a conversation I had on the boardwalk in NJ with a girl named Miranda. Until then, God bless you.


In Christ,
Brandi