A Broken Family

Last night I was at a girls night with the CCH girls. While we were playing one of the games, my phone rang. I looked at my phone and it was my mom! I was soo excited because I have not talked to her since my birthday on October 10th. You see, every time my mom calls me it is a very special moment because it happens rarely. It doesn't happen rarely because she doesn't want to call me, it happens rarely because she can't call me.


Let me explain. A couple minutes into our conversation last night she was talking to someone in the background. They were asking who she was talking to and she said "I'm talking to Brandi, my daughter." Seconds later, she hung up the phone. Instantly I started balling my eyes out. What just happened? Why did my mom hang up on me? Then, my mom called me back and I asked "Who was that?" She said "It was your father. Now he's probably going to be mad at me and not talk to me for a while. I don't care you are my daughter and I am going to talk to you." Great, now that my mom called me her and my dad will be fighting about this. Why does my dad have to be so bitter? Why can he not just forgive me for what has happened? My mom can not have a relationship with me without getting into a fight with my father about it. I want to be able to pick up the phone and call my mom. I want everything in the world to be able to go to a house during breaks where my mom and family are there with open arms waiting for me to come home.  I want everything for my family to be put back together. I want my family to forgive me like I have forgiven them. I want them to realize that God forgives us for all we have done wrong. I want the pieces to be put back together.


All I'm saying is what I want. I should be saying, what does God want for me? I should be asking God what I can learn out of this. I should be praying for my family. I should be thankful that I have a family, even if they don't support me. I should be thankful that they did support me for 18 years of my life.


I am so thankful I reconnected with my mom over a year ago. I am so thankful God has placed her back in my life. I am so thankful for the 20 minute conversations I have with her once every 3-4 months. I am so thankful that she has forgiven me. I am so thankful that my mom is alive. I am so thankful that I have my aunts and cousins that have forgiven me. I am so thankful that my grandparents have never stopped loving me. I am thankful that God has blessed me with a family that loves me through the distance and time.


My prayer is that those of you reading this would not take for granted the relationships you have with family members. I pray that you would find joy whenever your parents or family members call. I pray that you would see the blessing that your family has been to you. Be thankful that you have a place to call home during breaks from school. Be thankful that your family supports you. Be thankful that your father loves you. 


Now, the last part, "Be thankful that your father loves you," that hits home in another part of my broken family. I have never heard my earthly father say the words "I love you." Not once can I recall a moment in my life where my dad said "I love you." If your dad says he loves you, REJOICE! Although I have never heard those three simple words from my dad I know that my Heavenly Father says them to me everyday. I know that God loves me more than my dad ever has or ever could love me. Gods love is greater than any love from anyone. I rejoice in the fact that God loves me so much. I rejoice in the fact that I can call God my Daddy. I rejoice in the fact that no matter what I do, my Daddy loves me. I rejoice in the fact that my Daddy forgives me. I rejoice in the fact that my Daddy will always be there for me and that He will never forsake me.


God has taught me so much through my broken family. God has blessed me in ways I don't even recognize yet. God has given me so many opportunities to grow and become independent through this brokenness. God has made me appreciate His love for me through all of my trials. God has allowed me to realize I am in His hands. God has given me trust in Him that He will provide for me wherever I go. God is so good to me. God is my Daddy. God cares for me. God loves me with an undying love.


In Christ,
Brandi :)